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Sunday, January 6, 2013

Six Sentence Sunday: Beginnings



For my little contribution to the farewell of Six Sentence Sunday (click on that for a lot of other great excerpts!), I thought I'd share some of the revisions I'm working on for The Seven Noble Knights of Lara. It can still be improved, I'm sure!

These are now the first six sentences of the novel. Do they grab your attention, or are they too calm?

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           The sun began to relent from its long day's punishment of Busto de Bureba. The fish in the river sought out the barely forming shadows cast by rocks and branches. Inside a stone house, under a thatched roof, twenty maidservants and their lady planned a cool evening meal, brought in the washing, and put away the day's sewing without bumping into each other.
           Doña Lambra looked out the open door at the fields where her vassals were setting down their scythes and pitchforks for the day. Most of the serfs would return to their tiny homes in town, but some of the overseers lived on the estate, and would come to the main hall for supper. If nothing went wrong, in another seven mornings or so, Lambra would have to provide some kind of reward for successful haying, and the laborers would all expect meals at the haystacks in the meantime. 

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