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Sunday, November 13, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday: Terse Romance

Image courtesy The Daily Green, 2007

Today -- two years, two months since I got married -- I'm hoping for some feedback on a piece of microfiction. It honors the tribulations of a couple who never lose sight of the importance of being together (in honor of my husband, of course). Are you convinced of the love in these six? This is the most effusive passage, because to me, real love is so sacred, it's hard to put words to it, especially without sounding trite. The man is rowing a boat through the couple's flooded town while it's still raining, and the woman is using a pail to lessen the bilge.

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We progressed down the river-like street past rooftops that appeared to be sinking. My shoulders developed a grinding pain, as if they were on fire. I couldn’t stand the thought that Herbert might feel the same pain, so I set my jaw against it, abandoned the bailout and sat on the bench next to him.
“If I stop rowing, my love,” he said, “it will be too hard to start again.”
I put my hands over his on the oars. I loved the way the incessant droplets scuttled straight down his nose and lingered at the tip for a full second before releasing their grip.


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Thanks so much for stopping by. I appreciate your comments more than you'll ever know and I'm sure to vist your six in return. Visit all the amazing excerpts here.