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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday, Tenth Century Style II

Burgos in 2005, seen from Castle Hill. The cathedral is about three centuries too
late for our story.
I was so pleased that my snippet from last week seemed interesting to you all. Thanks so much for visiting and for all your constructive comments!

Since I don't have any battle scenes in this book written yet (I'd have liked to celebrate Memorial Day in that way), I'm going to continue with the wedding preparations. The bride, doña Lambra, is sitting with her trusty servant, Justa, in their tent, waiting in dread for the ceremony to begin. Remember, this is a first draft, so any suggestions are welcome.

* * *
They both looked at the tent flap when they heard the women's song. Too soon, a line of twenty singing married women opened the flap and beckoned to Lambra. She felt infinitely small: so small that the women lifted her up on their shoulders and carried her toward the city as if she were a water jug. Lambra looked desperately below in search of Justa's braids. She walked solemnly, far behind all the married women. "Justa, don't leave me alone!"
* * *

Thanks for stopping by. Don't forget to check out all the great excerpts at sixsunday.blogspot.com.

30 comments:

  1. Beautiful description, sounds like a tradition in the making.
    Happy Sunday,
    Kris Wolfgang

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  2. I'm curious to read more. Sounds like Lambra is a bit panicked.

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  3. Great six. I like the comparison to the water jug.

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  4. Love this..one of those scenes where I wanted to just keep on reading...and loved the imagery of feeling small, and comparing her to a water jug. Fab six!

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  5. Oh, interesting. It sounds like she isn't too certain about the marriage.

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  6. Very interesting six. I would love to read more.

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  7. Awesome descriptions and visual imagery.I could feel her fear/panic. Great snippet!

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  8. Love this imagery. Poor girl, not looking forward to her own wedding. :(

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  9. Great tension in that first sentence. And I love the description of the very different wedding traditions. I hope the marriage turn out all right for her.

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  10. I think you conveyed her apprehension very well.

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  11. The description is great. I want to read more

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  12. Oh my, I can feel her dread! Is she marrying one of the totally male lineup from the other week?

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  13. I agree, I think it's beautiful. Fabulous six.

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  14. Really great imagery. Very beautifully written!

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  15. Intriguing ceremony! I like it.

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  16. I'm very curious about this ceremony! She seems so nervous, but I hope it's just wedding jitters and she'll be happy at the end.

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  17. Don't panic, Lambra!
    Cool six, thank you! :-)
    Barb

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  18. Trying this again since Blogger is -- at least momentarily -- allowing me to comment!

    You've set a wonderful scene. Can sense Lambra's trepidation and dismay. Love the carting her like a jug simile!

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  19. I like the imagery you created with the water jug line. Well done.

    Best,
    Allure Van Sanz

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  20. LOVE historicals like this! Great emotion and "fish out of water" sense. :-)

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  21. Strong hook with pre-wedding panic setting in and the heroine helplessly carried along--possibly to a marriage she dreads! Suspenseful six!

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  22. Vivid scene. I'm wondering if she's being carried off for some kind of tribal ceremony? I'll keep reading to find out.

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  23. Very ominous mood here. Good writing.

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  24. Way to ground your reader in the setting! I'm hooked!

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  25. Really feel her despair and apprehension. Nicely done!

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  26. Great six, Jessica! You've captured Lambra's trepidation wonderfully.

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