Burgos in 2005, seen from Castle Hill. The cathedral is about three centuries too late for our story. |
Since I don't have any battle scenes in this book written yet (I'd have liked to celebrate Memorial Day in that way), I'm going to continue with the wedding preparations. The bride, doña Lambra, is sitting with her trusty servant, Justa, in their tent, waiting in dread for the ceremony to begin. Remember, this is a first draft, so any suggestions are welcome.
* * *
They both looked at the tent flap when they heard the women's song. Too soon, a line of twenty singing married women opened the flap and beckoned to Lambra. She felt infinitely small: so small that the women lifted her up on their shoulders and carried her toward the city as if she were a water jug. Lambra looked desperately below in search of Justa's braids. She walked solemnly, far behind all the married women. "Justa, don't leave me alone!"* * *
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Beautiful description, sounds like a tradition in the making.
ReplyDeleteHappy Sunday,
Kris Wolfgang
I'm curious to read more. Sounds like Lambra is a bit panicked.
ReplyDeleteGreat six. I like the comparison to the water jug.
ReplyDeleteLove this..one of those scenes where I wanted to just keep on reading...and loved the imagery of feeling small, and comparing her to a water jug. Fab six!
ReplyDeleteOh, interesting. It sounds like she isn't too certain about the marriage.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting six. I would love to read more.
ReplyDeleteAwesome descriptions and visual imagery.I could feel her fear/panic. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteVery interesting.
ReplyDeleteLove this imagery. Poor girl, not looking forward to her own wedding. :(
ReplyDeleteGreat tension in that first sentence. And I love the description of the very different wedding traditions. I hope the marriage turn out all right for her.
ReplyDeleteI think you conveyed her apprehension very well.
ReplyDeleteThe description is great. I want to read more
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. So beautiful.
ReplyDeleteOh my, I can feel her dread! Is she marrying one of the totally male lineup from the other week?
ReplyDeleteI agree, I think it's beautiful. Fabulous six.
ReplyDeleteReally great imagery. Very beautifully written!
ReplyDeleteLovely imagery.
ReplyDeleteIntriguing ceremony! I like it.
ReplyDeleteI'm very curious about this ceremony! She seems so nervous, but I hope it's just wedding jitters and she'll be happy at the end.
ReplyDeleteDon't panic, Lambra!
ReplyDeleteCool six, thank you! :-)
Barb
Trying this again since Blogger is -- at least momentarily -- allowing me to comment!
ReplyDeleteYou've set a wonderful scene. Can sense Lambra's trepidation and dismay. Love the carting her like a jug simile!
I like the imagery you created with the water jug line. Well done.
ReplyDeleteBest,
Allure Van Sanz
LOVE historicals like this! Great emotion and "fish out of water" sense. :-)
ReplyDeleteStrong hook with pre-wedding panic setting in and the heroine helplessly carried along--possibly to a marriage she dreads! Suspenseful six!
ReplyDeleteVivid scene. I'm wondering if she's being carried off for some kind of tribal ceremony? I'll keep reading to find out.
ReplyDeleteVery ominous mood here. Good writing.
ReplyDeleteWay to ground your reader in the setting! I'm hooked!
ReplyDeleteReally feel her despair and apprehension. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteGreat six, Jessica! You've captured Lambra's trepidation wonderfully.
ReplyDeleteOh, poor Lambra!
ReplyDelete