I've loved Spain with blind faith since I first heard about its existence when I was about eleven years old. People have been telling me lately how hard it must be, away from home during the holidays. I've nodded and smiled, only to realize later that they were talking about me.
|I can't understand why anyone would not love Spain.|
Photo 2005 Jessica Knauss
Now that I'm here, what would it take to get me to leave? I underwent just such a test of my love and loyalty this past week. I'm exhausted!
A company I worked for in Massachusetts (one of my favorite places in the United States) had been trying to contact me about a freelance job. I welcomed this idea, because in order to live in Zamora, I teach English on a part-time basis. It pays enough to live frugally, but if I want to have money left over at the end of the year to pay student loans or buy a ticket back to the United States (that part's iffy), I have to maintain a healthy schedule of freelance editing.
The company had some trouble getting in touch with me because this came about when I was traveling in Ponferrada without much internet. We finally set up a time for a call via Google Voice on Monday afternoon. I should've suspected it was a big deal when they insisted on the phone call. Most of my freelance work never leaves the realm of email.
|My favorite historical figures call me to Spain.|
Photo 2016 Stanley Coombs
But... I live in Spain...?
As we kept talking, the offer took on epic proportions.
* A round-trip ticket.
* A rent-free apartment equipped with ways to eat frugally.
* More pay than I've ever earned in a year as a freelance editor, and much more than I make as a part-time teacher assistant, for three months' work.
That quantity of money wouldn't seem like much to some, but it would offer me some exciting possibilities.
It turned my head. I felt I'd only ever seen job offers like this in movies before. However, inconveniences included no health insurance and no transportation allowance. I would have to give notice at school and my gorgeous apartment and be on a flight by Christmas Day at the latest. (This kind of last-minute scramble is routine in this industry.)
I requested twenty-four hours to decide, and put up the twenty-four-hour Facebook poll at the top of this post. The poll is highly simplified, but that was what it boiled down to for me: Love = staying in Spain, Money = leaving immediately for three months. I wanted people's gut reactions, and I got them. I was impressed, but not surprised, when Love became the favorite from the start.
I went to bed thinking that in the morning, I was probably going to pack my winter clothes to head to Massachusetts. The English idiom "sleeping on it" is "consulting with the pillow" in Spanish. My Spanish pillow did a lot of convincing, because I woke up in the opposite frame of mind.
With the time difference, the company wouldn't read the email for several more hours, but I felt better instantly. With that strange interlude over, I had an unusual day at school that required every ounce of extroverted energy I'd stored up over the last six months.
I was emotionally exhausted to the point of physical symptoms when I received a counteroffer.
The old offer still stood, with its plane fare and its quick time frame, but the new offer added:
* A generous food allowance.
* Even more salary!
* I would be picked up from the airport.
* I would work with people I enjoyed, as well as a new international cadre of brilliant experts.
* I would be a train ride away from all the wonders and friends of Boston.
I started thinking I would be crazy not to accept. As this blog post admits, I may just be a little crazy. Add nationality dysphoria to my normal, earth-shattering grief, and we can conclude that the only reason I'm not a complete basket case is that I'm successfully treating the symptoms of my pathology by living in Spain. I've also had some wonderful help with my grief.
I had a coffee date that afternoon with my Zamora-native friend. It turned out that such an activity involves viewing the colorful sunset and the flight of the storks at the castle as well as a nice little walk past innumerable medieval and Renaissance architecture masterpieces that exert a physical pull on me to have tea in a cozy jazz cafe.
|The storks just keep coming at Zamora Castle. (Not a photo from the coffee date.)|
"Of course, I'm the best. Didn't you know?" I replied with a sense of humor I'm not sure anyone understands but me.
All the beauty of Zamora had come out to meet me that afternoon. I savored the signature bergamot essence of Earl Grey tea in a jazz cafe in the small, unique city of my lifelong dream. My life since my true love died has dipped frequently into unbearable, but here and now, I can reach out and touch happiness, if only for the briefest moments.
"Spain will be here when you come back," my friend said. "It's not going anywhere."
It was true, but I wasn't convinced. Sure, I would have enough savings to come back in the springtime and resume everything but work at school, which I assumed wouldn't take me back after such a sudden departure. But once I was in Massachusetts, the paperwork alone would be daunting. Doubts surrounded the idea in my mind.
|Some of the greatest moments of my life have happened in Spain.|
I got home, made a Spanish-style light dinner, watched some of my favorite TV in the world, and then called up an old friend. She asked me different questions than all the other wise advisors I'd called upon so far and helped me unpack what felt wrong about the "it'll be here when you come back" argument.
Her question was: Would I have left Stanley for three months to be with a rich man?
When I recovered from the copious tears that sprang up at the thought, I choked out, "Never." No question. No argument. Everyone pack up and go home.
|Photo 2005 Jessica Knauss|
I suppose everyone has their price, but the offer didn't quite meet mine.
Listen up, Spain! I passed the test. I'm staying as long as you'll let me. Send money now. Lots of money!